


Oho, Lance is in Trouble

by jiffy0318



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, M/M, References to Sex, i have no explanation for my train of thought, pidge's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9455129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiffy0318/pseuds/jiffy0318
Summary: They wouldn't miss Lance and Keith’s shenanigans for the world.





	

“Lance!”

The voice rang out suddenly, booming through the corridors of the castle into each room. Including the one Pidge was currently in, tinkering with old altean tech. They were very concentrated on rewiring the old machine that they had just installed a fan into, hoping to route the power to cool off... ok Pidge was trying to make an ice cream machine. That was not the point. The point was that the sound had startled the blonde, causing them to shock themselves while fumbling with the wires. Now the natural reaction should've been anger, but their eyes lit up in excitement after realizing what was happening. The voice was Keith and he sounded unmistakably pissed.

A year ago that tone would’ve brought headaches to the group. It was always followed with petty disagreements, snide backhanded comments, and the occasional fist fight. Mind melding would become difficult, and teamwork exercises would be botched as the two boys relied on each other less, so as not to wound their pride. At the end of the day they would mope until Hunk or Shiro comforted their miserable asses and convinced them to apologise. That or Alura would threaten them with more chores. It was exhausting. Then a miracle happened, a miracle ignited from teenage hormones, puppy eyes from Lance, and pouty lips from Keith. The two became a couple (of losers). Pidge couldn't care less about how it happened, but they couldn't deny that it had been a huge weight off of everyone’s shoulders.

The yelling never really stopped, the new relationship just bred new outcomes. Sometimes the voice had a more desperate lilt and resonated from the bedroom. That Exclamation of “Lance!” was cue to book it to the farthest reaches of the castles with some snacks and a couple of blankets to camp out in an old forgotten room. During that time Pidge usually plotted their revenge, something along the lines of bleaching their eyebrows, or dropping a bucket of food goo on them. More often than not though (thank god) the yelling was related to situations like this. In these moments pidge wishes they had a popcorn machine (maybe they should be working on one instead of an ice cream machine) because it was always a spectacle. When Pidge could practically hear Keith’s teeth grinding from where they were as he stormed past the door, Pidge knew that their homeboy Lance was about to get roasted, and boy did they love to watch his arrogant ass put in it’s place.

The first time it happened Pidge thought it was.... cute, not that they would admit that out loud. Keith was causing quite the commotion about how he tripped over Lance's stuff in his room and sprained his ankle. It was a surprisingly domestic squabble about putting things away, until Shiro came in. He saw how unevenly Keith was standing and instantly started to scold Lance for his carelessness when Keith held up a hand.

“Shiro wait a second, stop.”

Shiro paused a second, confused. “But Keith you're right. Not only are you hurt, Lance might even lose some of his things if he contin-” 

Keith started to blush “No I mean, you don't, need to do that I-I’ve got I-It. under control.” Translation: “Don't yell at lance, I'm only allowed to yell at lance in these situations”. Then he proceeded to call Lance Oscar the Grouch because of the trash he surrounds himself in. Which Lance adamantly refused, saying the title was better suited for Keith.

Suffice to say it made Pidge’s little gremlin heart melt a bit, and Shiro learned to stay out of their lover’s spat. That one was pretty tame compared to the many other things Lance has done. Let it be know that Lance has done some dumb shit, stuff that has even brought Pidge to tears from laughing so hard. Thank god they're so loud since the green paladin wouldn't want to miss it for the world. So when it came down to it, Pidge would gladly take a little jolt to see the shit hit the fan on time. Almost hitting their head on the not ice cream machine as they leaped out, Pidge made their way down the corridors towards the shout. 

“Hunk protect me please!”

“Lance I’ll try but I don't even think God himself could protect you this time.”

Lance whimpered, “But I might die.”

As Pidge made their way into the room, Shiro right behind them, they noticed hunk holding back a blonde figure. Wait... Keith was blonde. Pidge wheezed already trying to hold in their laughter. The man was livid, violently thrashing in Hunk’s arms reaching out to swing a clenched fist in Lance’s direction, and holding a bottle in the other. Glancing back they noticed Shiro with his mouth agape. It was strange to see their leader so taken by surprise.

Lance finally addressed Keith, speaking lightheartedly to try and dissuade his boyfriend's anger “Hey babe. Uh, aren't blondes the ones that are supposed to have more fun? Maybe you should loosen up, you don’t look like you're having a great time...” He cracked a smile that made him look like he was in pain. 

Pidge’s cheeks blew up as they tried to contain the rush of giggles bubbling up in their throat. They stayed silent though as they stood in titillation waiting for an explanation of Keith’s new, and iconic, look. 

“Fun?” Keith yelled shrilly. “I come back from the training deck, where I worked my ass off, in hopes to wind down at the end of the day in a relaxing shower, and it was! It was great, until I walked out of the shower and saw,” he started to sputter from frustration ”saw t-this barbie blonde rats nest on top of my head”

“To be fair your hair is always a rats nest so that's not new”

With surprisingly great force Keith broke free of Hunk’s grasp, and backed Lance into a corner while lance scramble to find a way out. He could not escape.

“I swear to god Lance you better start taking this more seriously!”

Lance held up his hands defensively “Okay okay I'm sorry! I just don't understand what this had to do with me!”

Keith swung the bottle right in front of Lance’s face to show him and dangled it there. The blue paladin went cross eyed trying to focus on the object in front of him. “Explain this.” All Very suddenly Lance’s face grew pale, and Pidge's eyes twinkled as the plot unfolded.

“Ok uh babe, I want to start out by saying I didn't do anything on purpose. I was actually trying to help us.” Keith’s steely gaze was trained on lance, a look that meant ‘don’t babe me’.  
Lance nervously looked around the room and started fidgeting as he noticed his audience. “Maybe we should talk about this more privately.” 

Keith shook his head firmly. “No.”

Lance paused and nervously put a hand to the back of his head. “Heh ok if you wanna be that way. Well you know how we were uh, doing things last night?” He was met by silence. Lance focused on twiddling his fingers as he continued. “Well you see we made a mess so I decided to wash the sheets, but when I got the laundry together I noticed we were out of detergent,” Keith started impatiently tapping his foot. “which I guess is also my fault because I forgot to tell everyone we were out the last time I used..” Lance was rambling.

“Get to the point! What does this have to do with my hair?”

“Well I thought that maybe the next closest thing would be shampoo, since like sheets are made out of animal hair and stuff-”

“Cotton,” Keith cut in, “Is a plant.” His fingers were on the bridge of his nose as if delivering that news was the most agonizing thing he’s done. No one pointed out that they were on an alien spaceship so the chances that the sheets were cotton were very slim “You can't,” his voice was rising “lather rinse and repeat with the hopes that you’ll get an elegant over the shoulder look with bed sheets!” He paused to take a large breath that turned into a gasp “What about the bleach, did I use actual bleach on my hair?”

Lance was quick to respond. “No no no, I swear we were out of that too that was hair bleach I swear!”

“And you used it on the sheets.” he deadpanned.

“They needed it! They're white and were covered in dirt since we just came back from a mission and didn't shower.” Lance sighed defeatedly. “Look I know I messed up. When I finished I blanked on the fact that I had mixed it in with the shampoo and just put it back in our shower. I'm sorry.” And he meant it, blonde was not a good look for the red paladin.

Keith seemed to be working over the explanation in his head. “So you cleaned our cum covered sheets-”

“Keith!” Shiro yelled out, scandalized.

He continued without pausing “-with shampoo that had hair bleach mixed in it, and then forgot you mixed the two when you put it away, which I later used and turned the top of my head into every Cali girl’s envy?”

“Yeah...”

The formerly black haired man sighed and leaned back against the wall and slowly slid down, letting out a large breath that sounded like a chuckle “You're impossible to understand you know that? Like trying to count the stars and finding out there's more every time.” Everyone was quiet as they watched Keith, waiting for more of a reaction. It came out slowly at first, starting with the shaking of his shoulders and the clenching of his hand until all of a sudden he threw back his head and laughed. The tension in the room dissipated as everyone joined in. 

Pidge loved this. For two years now, they've been on the other side of the universe, so far from home and still looking for their father and brother, yet they could still feel so jovial. Everyone could drop their worries because two silly men loved each other dearly enough to let go and laugh at their own mistakes. Lance and Keith let excitement (the not dangerous kind) into the team's lives.

“Why did you have hair bleach in the first place?” Hunk eventually asked.  
“Oh, remember that time Pidge bleached my eyebrows? I stole the bleach from them so it wouldn't happen again and i've had it ever since.” Then Lance made his way over to his boyfriend “So now I guess the next step is getting your hair back to normal.”

“We could stop by the nearest trading planet and pick something up for you Keith,” Shiro provided helpfully. “But it might take a few days.”

“Aww that sucks, again I'm really sorry babe.”

Keith shrugged “That's okay.” Then he smirked. “You know if you're really sorry, maybe you should dye your hair too, like payback.”

“What?” he squawked “And ruin your boyfriend's perfect look? No no, I mean, don't you want me to do something else? Like maybe I could do your chores or give you a back massage or something?” Lance tried his best to really sell those ideas but Keith would not give this one up, so he bolted.

Keith giggled maniacally, and started to chase after him. “Get your ass back here, this Barbie needs her Ken!” Pidge ran after them with a grin so wide it hurt. Like they said earlier, they wouldn't miss Lance and Keith’s shenanigans for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> First Fanfiction! Please ingnore the face that in order to bleach hair as dark as Keith's you need to dye it muliple times. Maybe there will be a sequel in which Keith is the one in trouble, who knows? ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ


End file.
